Day 34

Today is my 40th Birthday. It's also a Sunday and so, as advised by my pastor I got prayer after church as part of the Healing Season. My husband, Joseph was the one who prayed for me. I am so grateful for the discernment that the Holy Spirit sends to us in prayer. Joseph prayed that my grief over losing my mom might turn to strength as I approach Mother's Day (which is right around the corner and the prescribed end of the Healing Season for me.)

God has been, as He always is, simply amazing in this Season. I pray that as you work through your healing from whatever your loss or pain or void is-the He shows up loud and clear (or soft and clear) but I pray with all my heart and mind and strength that He shows up in a way that you can taste as change in your life. Today at church we sang a song which our church sings from time to time. It's lyrics say "You are so good to me. You heal my broken heart. You are my Jesus who loves me."
Less than two months ago, I was talking with my small group leader about that song. I confessed my distaste for that song because I couldn't raise my hands in the air and sing that song, because it wasn't true for me. I said to Andre, "He is so good to me, but He hasn't healed my broken heart. My heart is still very, very broken and I've asked Him to heal it a zillion times." "I know," he said, "there are a lot of songs that I just don't sing, too." It's so hard when you believe and know that the Lord can do something and you just don't see Him do it. Sometimes I've seen Him do it, and yet the suffering continues. For example, once I was in worship at church and I asked the Lord as I always did, to heal my broken heart. I had a supernatural experience where the Lord essentially reached into my chest and removed my heart (it wasn't freaky and Indiana Jones-y, it was simple and easy) and replaced it with a brand new heart.

This is actually biblical. The bible takes about receiving a new heart or a circumcised heart. After that, I thought that I would be at peace and healed, but guess what? I still was broken hearted. It was so confusing. I thought, "Seriously, Lord? You gave me a brand new broken heart?" I still don't understand that to be honest, but I trust the Lord will show me more in His time.

Today, our worship team sang that song again and I could actually sing those lines. "You are so good to me. You heal my broken heart. You are my Jesus who loves me."
It's just amazing.
Then after worship, the screen where the song in projected went blank and up popped the words "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHANNYN"
I couldn't believe it.
I felt so loved and so valued in a family and community of believers. I really felt like I was no longer an orphan-all because someone in my church (a few people probably) extended themselves in kindness. Thank you, Jesus for your church and for welcoming me as a friend. I am humbled and grateful.

Lately, because I host a radio show and talk about the Healing Season from time to time, I've been getting some e-mails asking me why God isn't giving that healing to them, their hearts-minds-marriages. The answer is- I have no idea.
I can say this. God's time isn't our time, but His time is perfect. I know that may not be my comfort in your pain, but it's all I've got.
I prayed for 11 years before my heart was finally filled and it's only been a month that I've felt this sensation on peace. My prayer now is that it becomes lasting peace and my new normal.

If you are still feeling like I was on Day 1-11, don't stop leaning into the Lord. Don't stop reaching out to Him. Press in. Check in. Where is your pain? How big is it? How intense is it? How is the quality of your breath? Breathe deeply and invite His holy presence to fill you with peace. Pray with other Jesus followers. Do it regularly. The Lord filled my heart a month ago and yet I am still coming to my prayer partners on Wednesdays and Sundays just a my pastor asked, because that's what my pastor asked and he's my pastor who I trust and know is led of the Lord.
Trust God. Trust His word. Press on. Cloth yourself in Christ.

Prayer:
Jesus, thank you because you are so good to me, you heal my broken heart, you are MY Jesus who loves me. You are beautiful. God, send your spirit to those who are grieving today and begin the process of healing for them. Lay your hands on them to give them your Easter joy. God, you save. You are the Savior. The Savior has come. Come save. Thank you for these 40 years. May you add many more to my life that I my tell of the great things you have done and the great thing I know that you will do. Be lifted up today and always. Teach us how to love each other. Thank you for the people you've put into my life as reflections of your love. Thank for my husband and children. Thanks for my church and my friends. He us to love each other like you love us.
Amen.

Scripture:


16May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, 17encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.