It's been Eight days now that my heart has been healed. I keep on sort of checking in to see if it's still whole and (let me check) IT IS!
Yesterday was a challenging day. It was tax day for our family and it wasn't fun. In fact, it was the opposite of fun. It was brutal, unhappy and expensive. Situations like that are perfect triggers for me to behave in unhealthy ways. I've been inclined to snap at my children, or blow-off my housework, or in extream cases, I've even gotten drunk. I'm not proud of it, but it's true. I know that my response is not just a response to whatever the trigger may be, taxes, lack of work, dirty house when I cleaned it this morning. I know that my responce is the actual catalist plus the tornado and the loss of my parents. Truth be told, I can add to that list, being left by my ex-husband and crap from childhood-not just the taxes. This happens, right? This happens to a lot of people. But I believe in healing and total restoration.
I'm reminded of the day after the tornado when I was standing in the wreckage of my home and I looked around and saw the youth groups there cleaning up the debris. I am reminded of the fact that when I looked at the ground, I could tell what room I was in only by the floor covering and thought "I better mop this floor, we have company". I am reminded that in that instant I knew that I could go totally mad and decided not to because I was a mother and my little girl needed me.
Truth is, she still needs me. My husband and our son also need me. They don't just need me as a mock-up shell of me. They don't need a hallow Easter bunny version of me. They don't need me to flip out when taxes arn't what I hoped they would be. They need me the way that God made me to be. They need me whole and healed. For eight wonderful days, that's who they've had. Praise His holy name. I just NEED to say, "Thank you, Jesus."
Yesterday was a challenging day.
Yesterday I got brutal, unhappy, expensive news.
Yesterday, I made a healthy choice. I didn't take it out on my husband or kids. I didn't take it out on myself or my accountant. Yesterday I took it out on my yard. I kicked my yards butt. I raked and bagged leaves. I trasplanted bushes. I created beauty. At one point, I remembered Gensis when Adam and Eve ate the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil and the Lord told Adam that tending the garden would now be painful and He told Eve the same of childbirth. For some reason, I felt like reclaiming that ground. I can't help but think about the new dynamic with God and man-with man and Earth. I can't help but think about the fact that when Jesus was raised from the dead and appeared to Mary in the garden, she thought He was the gardener. I am inspired by Creation Care Christians and the true abundance that the Lord provides for His people. It makes me cry tears of joy.
How could I feel lack in my life when I worked this plot of land that the Lord blessed my family with? God is good all the time and all the time God is good.
He blesses His children. That's me. Shoot, if all He did was save me, that would be more than enought. He doesn't stop there,though. He's blessed me with a home and food and children. He's given my the chance to share His good news with others. I have health and strength. I'm Blessed!
Yesterday was a challenging day and then I worked in my garden. I trimmed back herbs and was reminded of God's goodness. Cutting back my corriander, I was reminded that every single one of those flowers had enough seeds to plant a field of corriander. I was worried about taxes, why?
Jesus, I can't thank you enough for the healing that you've given me. Thank you from the litteral bottom of my heart. Thank you from the bottom of my children and my husbands heart. Thanks for equiping me to be a better person, family member and community memember. Lord, will you please send your healing to your children who are calling out to you even now? Will you take mercy on them and those who are praying on their behalf. Hear our prayers. Thank you Father, for your abundance and your creativity. Help me to remember that when I feel that I am lacking. Deeply root your healing in me so that this is not just a Healing Season, but a Healed woman. Praise you, Lord for what you have done and for what you continue to do. In Jesus name. Amen.
Ezekiel 17:5-6 (New International Version)
5 " 'He took some of the seed of your land and put it in fertile soil. He planted it like a willow by abundant water, 6 and it sprouted and became a low, spreading vine. Its branches turned toward him, but its roots remained under it. So it became a vine and produced branches and put out leafy boughs.