I did the math. The anniversary of the tornado is April 9th. Today it's March 30th and the Lord healed my heart 10 days ago. That means that for 3996 days, I lived with an utterly blown-up, exploded, pulverized mess of a broken heart. If you include the fact that my heart was already broken at the time the tornado hit (see my husband leaving me)my heart was a broken and beat up mess for 4511 days and it's been healed for 10. It's really amazing. How great is our God?
Now, I have to be honest and admit a couple of things. First, I didn't expect the Lord to work so quickly in this Healing Season. Second, part of me is afraid that this is just a temporary thing and soon it will all slip away. Third, although my heart is restored, I still feel a sense of panic and a little bit of dizziness.
Going thought those thing in order, my response is First to just praise and worship the Lord. So I will.
Jesus, I bless your name for you have answered my prayer. You have heard the calling out, not just from me, but from my church family and you have answered our prayers. Thank you, Jesus! Thank you for my pastor, my prayer partners and for giving me the hope to press on when it really seemed like you would not love. Good, take my heart-it's yours.
Second: That this is temporary
I'm choosing to handle that in two ways. One is to enjoy and acknowledge God's goodness in healing me and to really become keenly aware of what it feels like in my body and in my spirit. Just as I took tool of where the pain was, what size it was and how intense was, I now scan my body for empty broken holes (if you will) and when I find nothing empty-I focus on the feeling of fullness with deep gratitude.
The second, and I believe more powerful approach is taking this time with my prayer partners on Wednesdays and Sundays and asking them to pray that this healing is deeply deeply rooted in me so that no wind or tornado of life, be it mental, physical, spiritual or emotional can steal it away.
Lastly, the fact the I am still a although my heart remains healed, emotionally, I still have signs of Post Traumatic Stress-Dizziness etc.
I'm going to approach this in the same way that my pastor suggests I approach the broken heart.
I will pray with prayer partners Wednesdays and Thursdays. I will write and invite the Lords healing.
I'm encouraged and reminded of the story in Mark 8:24 When Jesus lays His hands on a blind mans eyes and asks "Can you see?" and the man replies The man looked around. "Yes," he said, "I see people, but I can't see them very clearly. They look like trees walking around."
I feel that's where I am in the healing process. Now Jesus didn't say "Good enough" we went back in and totally restored the man. So at this point I need a double dose of Jesus' touch.
Jesus, thank you for what you have done in my life, my pain and my suffering. Thank you for what you continue to do. I invite and welcome you into every corner (hidden or exposed) of my heart and mind. Rewire and rework me. Renew me by your strength. Heal me totally. I promise, I will tell your story and the story of what you have done for me and for my family. God, you are good all the time and I love you. I bless your name. Amen.
"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God." (Romans 12:2)